Disaster Index: 3.1
Entry: Administrative Optimism, Embodied
Cause: A called-up squad member expressing readiness to contribute across a range of one to ninety minutes, which covers all available options.
Category: Administrative
Evidence: George Hirst confirms willingness to play one minute or ninety minutes, statistically exhausting the parameter space. Preparation cited includes hot yoga, a discipline not previously indexed as a World Cup readiness indicator. Relief described as joyous. The record notes the relief without querying its precise object.
Historical precedent: Scotland squads have historically contained players whose contribution window was described optimistically. The window has not always opened.
Affected parties: Hirst. Whoever was ahead of him in the queue. Hot yoga practitioners with a renewed sense of relevance.
Immediate outlook: Hirst proceeds to the tournament. The minute-count will be filed on return.